It really takes a partner with patience, intuition, and empathy to notice when something is going wrong. Maybe they are not being able to fix it, but if they can be there for comfort and support without judgement, it’s the best feeling ever. Even when you’re at your worst.
It also takes a strong partner to know that there might be times when you need to be alone and it has nothing to do with them. The best partners don’t take it personally. They promise to be there on the other side when you’re ready.
We asked from our community “Living with fibromyalgia and chronic illness” a question What tips would you give people for how they can support their partner during a flare? or what they do to help you in flare. They share their personnel experiences with us. We have selected few of their answers in this post. and LOVE is the KEY , HUG them Gently and Keep the Kisses coming.
Here is what community shares with us:
1. Be right there with dinner, or clean up, do not make her feel useless when the house isn’t perfect.
2. Be compassionate and caring.Don’t get frustrated because we can’t do the things you’re used to us doing.Have empathy,and that we take care of you.
3. To accept a new normal, to continue to treat each other with respect and worth, to make a plan with her Dr for every illness. A red light, green and yellow light. So when she’s having a flare you help facilitate for her. Focus on what you love and are proud of about her, not the frustrations. Both make a list together of what you can to help her and what she can do to meet your needs. You’re on the same team and in the fight against fibromyalgia and for joy, love, and peace.
4. See the person we are not the illness. Except good days and duvet rest days. Don’t get frustrated with this cramps deal, it’s wasting energy. Don’t feel you have to pick up the slack when your home from work, you ain’t Superman , it just burns you out!!!
5. Be quiet, because we have very sensitive hearing during a flare. and be aware we would love to do all the things we use to do. Our pain is very very real. and if we forget to thank you we really are thankful
6. Keep fresh herbal teas decaf slices of fruits Frozen or in ice cubes clean sheets aromatic oils or since rubbing the feet not too much talking loud noise , let them complain or vent keep the house as quiet as you can because everything is Amplified and you become annoyed easily so you’re a companion you understand that if it was you they do the same thing for you. so holding your hand reading a book for them even giggling or making jokes something that takes her mind off the discomfort mostly of all and knowing that you really want to be there holding that hand or massaging the scalp or giving them a good old-fashioned foot rub.
7.Take care of the kids and bring me food.
8. Don’t come home from work and say “what hurts now!
9. Be patient, make dinner, switch the laundry to the dryer, let the dogs out and let us rest.
10. Run a nice bath. You can bathe them and dry them off. Then a nice massage. Then encourage them to get rest.
11. Don’t say, are you going to be in bed all day. Just let her try to sleep. And gently hold her when the pain is so bad that all she can do is cry.
12. When she is hurting, rub on her back and legs.
13. Tells me just rest I’ll take care of it. He is so wonderful and understanding, I can stay in bed or couch whenever I need to with no trouble from him. The partner of someone with fibromyalgia should do their best to understand what he/she is going through….go to Dr appointments, read, read,read it go into these sites they tell a lot and make you feel not so alone. Don’t get mad if they can’t do something or go somewhere they really can’t help it
14. My partner is amazing when I’m really bad. He will make sure I rest he will do everything that needs doing and anything I need. Helps me off the sofa. Stands behind and in front of me if I need to go upstairs to the loo so if I loose balance he’s there to stop me falling down the stairs. And of course he’s patient.
15. Best advice. Be patient, we know it’s not easy for you to deal with our conditions. We feel guilty. But we appreciate it more than words can say. So be patient and be loving.
16. Reminds me to rest helps me walk n get up from chair or bed cooks me soft foods when I can’t swallow good and makes sure I have my pain medicines regularly not as needed during flare up of my MG He is the best ever caregiver
Share your partner story or how they helps you in flares in the comments below. For discussions and FAQs join the support group “Living with fibromyalgia and chronic illness”