The Invisible Intruder… What or Who Am I
I was once something the medical community wanted to deny. They said I was simply in your head, and I did not exist, they made you feel like freaks who were losing their minds. They could not believe something so different from what their practice taught them. Oh, but I have proven I am so very real, and they know that now. I am not in your head as a figment of an overactive imagination or psychological difference…
I am one of your worst nightmares. Through the decades, I am still a mystery – a haunting mystery to which there is no cure. Medications may mask a symptom if you are medicated enough, but there is no cure… I am the “Invisible Intruder”. I will steal your friends and family away, for they do not understand why you are the way you are…
Allow me to describe one of your days – perhaps, then they will understand a bit about you. To see me within you, they might see bright red and blue flames, laced with bright, scorching lightning striking within every muscle you possess. To hear me, I would be that of a Banshee’s scream. To feel you from within, they would feel the blasting of sand and fire against their skin.
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In severe cases, to touch something, you cringe and cry, for it is like being burnt with the hottest fire imaginable, and piercing sand shifting against your skin and reaching every nerve within you…even the softest of fabrics hurt and burn you when you try to wear them, sheets on the bed are unbearable, and sleep evades you. You want to rip your skin off. To enter into your realm, they would find it is like an electric bass guitar being played far beyond what is considered “normal,” and the vibrations are unbearable.
I will steal your sleep away, no matter what time of day or night, to sleep is rare. I will command your body and mind to feel less than human until you cannot escape into any other realm of reality. I will tear your life apart and demand you to be my slave to 24/7 pain and suffering. Yes, no one understands the level of mental, emotional, and physical pain you suffer.
Some say they understand but don’t believe them, for they are walking in different shoes than you. There are those who suffer a similar “me,” however, each of you suffers in different levels and extremes. I will remain a mystery forever and a day. I am not the pleasant sort, for I will tear your heart and soul apart, and I will scare those you care about and love away.I may decide to give you a break once in a great while, but I will always return.
Meanwhile, you attempt to catch up on all you have missed, just to realize you overdid everything, trying to be what is considered “normal”… You will suffer, lie in bed for days if you have that luxury, and cry out for help to only find empty arms…If you are fortunate, you may find someone who attempts to stay near your side. However, I usually scare them away. Your moments turn to hours, your hours turn to days, your days turn to months, and your months turn to years without a cure – just the pain of “me” being within you.
Remember, I live within every nerve and muscle you have – there is no escape. I am the Invisible Intruder. I live and cannot be killed – not yet at least, You cannot escape me once I have you within my grasp… No medication, no doctor, no miracle drug or herb will take me away from you… No sleeping pill or narcotic will erase me from your painful body… There is no separation from “me”.
But worst of all, and in my favor, your torment thrives because no one understands the suffering you endure, you push people away simply because you are not able to live a life without unbearable pain, you become someone you, yourself, cannot understand, who you do not recognize, and wish others could/would take time to understand. However, they usually walk away, if you express the pain you feel, which is actually impossible to do…There really are no words to express what each of you feels or mask. You are forced to wear a “mask” if you work with the public, and when you return home, you cry your heart out because the pain is so horrible.
Lyrica, Cymbalta and other medications such as so-called pain relief medications, and muscle relaxers, just add to my control, and you don’t even realize it until they work no more – IF they worked at all.
Who am I? I am the Invisible Intruder, and my name is Fibromyalgia, and I have many siblings- they are usually living within you too. Welcome to my world, and possibly to your friend’s world. Yes, my name is the “Invisible Intruder”. I live within you, around and through you, and in every aspect of your life…there is no escape, for there is no cure. – by Holly McKimson
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