The Confessions of a Teenage Pensioner
You can hear my walking stick before you see me. ‘Click, click, click’. I know what you expect when you hear it, a small, frail old lady with hair as grey as a rain-clouded sky. She’s hunched over the walking stick with a pull along trolley bag trailing behind her. I love the look of shock when people realize its a healthy looking young person. I am 20 years old now, but I first had the stick when I was 18. Not exactly the fashion statement one wants on a night out. While others my age are out all night partying, its early nights, restless sleep and a hand full of prescriptions meds for me.
I know its healthy to eat a diet with a multitude of colors, but I don’t think the rainbow of tablets I take count. If they did, I would be fit as a fiddle. Why are tablets often so colorful anyway? I’ve had blue, brown, white, yellow and shocking pink to name a few. If it’s to trick me into thinking they’re sweets, I’m afraid it just isn’t working.
I was just 13 when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. As if being a teenager isn’t hard enough I now had to grieve for the life I should have had. I should be in my second year of university by now, but it seems that was not what life had intended for me. Coming terms with what essentially is a lifetime sentence at such a young age is indescribably difficult.
I know there are a lot of people who would have handled it a lot better than me. But wallowing in self pity every now and then makes the bad days easier. People say I’m brave. I’m not really. I cry, I moan, I complain and I ask ‘why me’ all the time. I’m only ‘brave’ because I have to be. I have no other choice really. I will be living like this for the rest of my life, and unfortunately there isn’t much that can be done about that.
After living with it for 7 years I’ve learned to get on with it as best as I can. I no longer question ‘why me?’ as much, only maybe during a bad flare up. But I’m never going to get an answer to that. Why does anything happen to anyone? I guess I was just unlucky, but there are many people who are less fortunate than I, as people often remind me. I know this of course, but at the same time I wouldn’t wish Fibromyalgia on my worst enemy.
Life goes on, except when it doesn’t, and fibromyalgia has a habit of stopping lives. Making them stand still and unable to move on after a diagnosis. It isn’t easy, I’m not going to lie to you, but there is a life to be had after diagnosis.
So many of us hoped and prayed for a name to explain the pain, often for years! A confirmation that we weren’t going mad. It was bitter sweet as most of you will know. The joy of knowing someone believes you and that there’s a cause to the pain is amazing, but the realization that it will completely change your life can be crushing. It does get better. Maybe not the pain but your availability to cope will. You will develop a superhuman ability to carry on with life and deal with extraordinary pain. We are like a band of superheroes with mobility aids -The Fibro Fighters!
All I can say is with a little trial and error you’ll find your balance, and manage to live life, maybe not quite as you planned but a worthy and wonderful life nevertheless.
If you would like to hear more from me about my story and take on living life with Fibromyalgia please check out my blog “The Pain Princess” .If you enjoy it please subscribe and share. – much love to you all ?
~Hannah-Eleri~
Related: If you support Fibromyalgia Awareness, then you should have these things
